Hate Male Post Comics

March of Shame

2008-08-05T17:59:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure how long this will last but it's good for a laugh.

(click here)

What I Want In a Man -- As Years Go By...

2008-06-04T09:46:00.000-07:00

Original List:

1. Handsome

2. Charming

3. Financially successful

4. A caring listener

5. Witty

6. In good shape

7. Dresses with style

8. Appreciates finer things

9. Full of thoughtful surprises

10. An imaginative, romantic lover

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 32)

1. Nice looking

2. Opens car doors, holds chairs

3. Has enough money for a nice dinner

4. Listens more than talks

5. Laughs at my jokes

6. Carries bags of groceries with ease

7. Owns at least one tie

8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal

9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries

10. Seeks romance at least once a week

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 52)

1. Not too ugly

2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car

3. Works steady - splurges on dinner out occasionally

4. Nods head when I'm talking

5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes

6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture

7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach

8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids

9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down10. Shaves most weekends

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 62)

1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed

2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public

3. Doesn't borrow money too often

4. Doesn't nod off to sleep when I'm venting

5. Doesn't re-tell the same joke too many times

6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends

7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear

8. Appreciates a good TV dinner

9. Remembers your name on occasion

10. Shaves some weekends

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 72)

1. Doesn't scare small children

2. Remembers where bathroom is

3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep

4. Only snores lightly when asleep

5. Remembers why he's laughing

6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself

7. Usually wears some clothes

8. Likes soft foods

9. Remembers where he left his teeth

10. Remembers that it's the weekend

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 82)

1. Breathing.

2. Doesn't miss the toilet...

Italian Secret to Long Marriage

2008-06-03T15:39:00.000-07:00

At Saint Alphonsis Catholic Church they have a weekly husband's marriage seminar. At the session last week, the Priest asked Luigi, who was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years.

Luigi replied to the assembled husbands, 'Wella, I've a-tried to treat-a her nizza, spend da money on her, but besta of all is that I tooka her to Italy for the 20th anniversary.'

The Priest responded, 'Luigi, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here! Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary.'

Luigi proudly replied, 'I'm agonna go get her.'

2007-06-26T19:12:00.000-07:00

DEEP THOUGHTS BY MEN WHILE FISHING

2007-06-07T00:06:00.000-07:00

Two men are out ice fishing at their favorite fishing hole, just fishing quietly and drinking beer.

Almost silently, so as not to scare the fish, Mel says, "I think I'm going to divorce my wife - she hasn't spoken to me in over 2 months."

Earl continues slowly sipping his beer, then thoughtfully says, "You better think it over - women like that are hard to find."

2007-05-11T18:11:00.000-07:00

How to break up with your girl in 64 easy steps

2007-04-09T18:04:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yh7N_kylyi4

They try, but we refuse!

2007-01-27T20:24:00.000-08:00

Proof that marriage exists in the animal kingdom...

2007-01-17T07:47:00.000-08:00

Proof that marriage exists in the animal kingdom...

2006-09-27T15:37:00.000-07:00

One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want." So he tied her up and went golfing.
_______

A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs,"Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!"
The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?" "Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get the hell out."
_______

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.
_______

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters: 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.' "Can you read this?" the optician asked.
"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "Hell, I know the guy!"
_______

Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, "I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent." "Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of chardonnay."
_______

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"
The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you?
You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied with a grin, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."
_______

Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth. On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.

2006-09-18T16:47:00.000-07:00

The 3 stages of a man's life

2006-09-10T13:22:00.000-07:00

Before marriage

After marriage

After the divorce

2006-09-06T07:11:00.000-07:00

2006-09-06T07:10:00.000-07:00

2006-09-01T12:15:00.000-07:00

18th Birthday Check

2006-08-07T16:22:00.000-07:00

Today my baby girl's 18th birthday.

I be so glad that this be my last Child Support payment! Month after month, year after year, all those damn payments!

So I call my baby girl, LaKeesha, to come to my house, and when she getthere, I say, "Baby girl, I want you to take this check over to yo Momma house and tell her this be the last check she ever be getting from me, and I want you to come back and tell me the 'spression on yo mama's face."

So, my baby girl take the check over to her momma. I be anxious to hearwhat she say, and bout the 'spression on her face.

Baby girl walk through my door, I say, "Now what yo momma say 'bout that?"

"She say to tell you that, 'You ain't my daddy' .... And watch the'spression on YO face."

I got this collection in an email titled “Men Strike Back”

2006-07-26T23:31:00.000-07:00

How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened when she brings it.

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..."

How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

Why do men fart more than women? Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? A woman who won't do what she's told.

I married a Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called a Wedding Cake.

Why do men die before their wives? They want to.

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

2006-03-10T07:40:00.000-08:00

Thanks to Travis Young for this one.

Understanding the last 15 seconds of a fatal accident

2005-12-22T20:06:00.000-08:00

The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they had
covertly funded a multi-state project with auto makers where black box voice
recorders were installed in four-wheel drive pickup trucks and SUV's in
an effort to understand the last 15 seconds of a fatal accident.

The Board was surprised to find the recorded last words of drivers in 49 of the 50 states were all the same: "Oh, SHIT!"

Only the state of Texas was different, where the final words were:
"Hold my beer, I'm gonna try somethin."

Why Condoms Come in Boxes of 3, 6, and 12

2005-12-07T14:19:00.000-08:00

A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?"

To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex." Oh, I see," replied the boy pensively. "I've heard of that in health class at school."

He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, Why are there 3 in this package?"

The dad replies, "Those are for high school boys, one for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday."

"Cool" says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, "Then, who are these for?"

"Those are for college men," the dad answers. "TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday."

"WOW!" exclaimed the boy, "Then, who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12-pack.

With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replied, "Those are for married men.

One for January, one for February, one for March..."

Bringing you Hate, since '68!!!

2005-12-03T20:19:00.000-08:00

2005-12-03T20:18:00.000-08:00

And a little more love male

2005-11-20T19:46:00.000-08:00

How about love male, instead of hate male, for a change?

2005-11-20T19:45:00.000-08:00

Only in Seattle

2005-11-13T16:19:00.000-08:00

A cow walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, give me a de-calf latte"

NO, NO.... I'm sorry---- that was terrible!

Ok, I'll try again... here's another one...

A Seattle Wolf walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, give me da sheepest latte you got."

I'll send more when they're ready...you may choose to un-subscribe from this joke list at any time by sending 25$ US ---or a variety of suitable tchotchkes my way

I thought only crazy wimmin' did this.

2005-11-13T16:17:00.000-08:00

2005-11-06T09:51:00.000-08:00

Never underestimate the power of makeup

2005-10-25T21:24:00.000-07:00

2005-10-11T17:06:00.000-07:00

2005-10-11T17:05:00.000-07:00

If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say -- talk in your sleep.

2005-10-07T20:31:00.000-07:00

Just think - if it wasn't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

2005-10-07T20:30:00.000-07:00

Is it true?

2005-10-07T20:29:00.000-07:00

A young son asked, "Is it true, Dad that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"

Dad replied, "That happens in every country, son."

How much does it cost?

2005-10-07T20:28:00.000-07:00

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"

Father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying."

Dear Lord,

2005-10-07T20:26:00.000-07:00

Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom, to understand a man, to love and to forgive him, and for Patience, for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll just beat him to death

The Long Walk

2005-10-07T20:19:00.000-07:00

Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes

When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.

So the husband and the blind man decide to walk.

After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy."

The blind man replies, "If you would've put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus ... so shut the hell up."

HTML for guys

2005-10-04T22:17:00.000-07:00

Almost Married Man.....

2005-09-30T19:25:00.000-07:00

I was a very happy person. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for
over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little
thing bothering me...It was her beautiful younger sister. My prospective
sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight mini-skirts, and generally was
braless. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always
got more than a pleasant view of her private parts. It had to be
deliberate.
She never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day her "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check the
wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me
that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She
told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married
and committed my life to her sister.

Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going
upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just
come up and get me."

I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When
she reached the top she pulled off her panties and threw them down the
stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline

straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards
my car.

Lo and behold, my entire future family-in-law was standing outside, all
clapping! With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, "We
are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a
better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."

...And the moral of this story is:
Always keep your condoms in your car!

When to Shut Up

2005-09-25T20:59:00.000-07:00

On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state her husband readily agreed.

This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for the next 30 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.

Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate downsizing, and he had been let go. It was unlikely that at the age of 55, he'd be able to find another position that paid anywhere near what he'd been earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined.

Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed thirty years of deposits and interest totaling nearly $1 million. Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which were worth over $2 million, and informed him that they were one of the largest depositors in the bank. She explained that for the 30 years she had charged him for sex, these holdings had multiplied and these were the results of her savings and investments.

Faced with evidence of cash and investments worth over $3 million,her husband was so astounded he could barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out, "If I'd had any idea what you were doing,I would have given you all my business!"

THAT'S WHEN SHE SHOT HIM!

You know, sometimes, men just don't know when to keep their mouths shut...

Ring My Bell

2005-09-24T15:51:00.000-07:00

Click here to watch.

I saw some T-shirts

2005-09-24T12:48:00.000-07:00

2005-09-22T19:21:00.000-07:00

Ever feel like this?

Two Scottish Nuns

2005-09-13T22:00:00.000-07:00

Two Scottish nuns have just arrived in USA by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs."

"Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do."

Nodding emphatically, the mother superior points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk towards the cart.

"Two dogs, please," says one.

The vendor is very pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over. Excited, the nuns hurry to a bench and begin to unwrap their 'dogs'.

The mother superior is first to open hers. She begins to blush and then, staring at it for a moment, leans to the other nun and whispers cautiously, "What part did you get?

The Deceased Dog

2005-09-13T21:57:00.000-07:00

Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company.

One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, "Father, me dog is dead. Could ya be sayin' a mass for the poor creature?"

Father Patrick replied, "I'm afraid not; cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the creature."

Muldoon said, "I'll go right away Father. Do ya think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?"

Father Patrick exclaimed, "Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn`t ya tell me the dog was Catholic?

Confession

2005-09-13T21:54:00.000-07:00

An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues:

Man: "I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times."

Priest: "Are you sorry for your sins?"

Man: "What sins?"

Priest: "What kind of a Catholic are you?"

Man: "I'm Jewish."

Priest: "Why are you telling me all this?"

Man: "I'm telling everybody."

Brothel Trip

2005-09-13T21:52:00.000-07:00

An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a young girl for the night.

Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and asks how old he is.

"I'm 90 years old," he says.

"90!" replies the woman. "Don't you realize you've had it?"

"Oh, sorry," says the old man. "How much do I owe you?"

Senility

2005-09-13T21:50:00.000-07:00

An elderly man went to his doctor and said, "Doc, I think I'm getting senile. Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up."

"That's not senility," replied the doctor. "Senility is when you forget to zip down."

Pest Control

2005-09-13T21:46:00.000-07:00

A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from a pest-control company. One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly.

"Quick," said the woman to her lover, "into the closet!" and she pushed him in the closet, stark naked.

The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the bedroom discovered the man in the closet.

"Who are you?" he asked.

"I'm an inspector from Termite Busters," said the exterminator.

"What are you doing in there?" the husband asked.

"I'm investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths," the man replied.

"And where are your clothes?" asked the husband.

The man looked down at himself and said, "Those little bastards."

The Redneck at the Zoo

2005-09-13T21:15:00.000-07:00

A small Alabama Wild Animal Park acquired a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks, the gorilla, who was a female, became very difficult to handle. Upon examination, the park veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available.

Reflecting on their problem, the park administrator thought of Eddie Standen, a redneck part-time intern, who was responsible for cleaning the animal's cages.

Eddie, like most rednecks, had little sense, but possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of any species. The park administrator thought they might have a solution. Eddie was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to mate with the gorilla for $500.00?

Eddie showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully. The following day, Eddie announced that he would accept their offer, but only under the following four conditions.

"First," he said, "I don't want to have to kiss her on the lips." The park administrator quickly agreed to this condition.

"Second," Eddie said, "you must never tell anyone about this." The park administrator again readily agreed to this condition.

"Third," Eddie said, "I want all the offspring to be raised Southern Baptist." Once again the administrator agreed.

And last of all Eddie stated "You've got to give me another week to come up with the $500.00."

A Great Movie Line

2005-09-07T12:24:00.000-07:00

Another classic.

I got a chuckle out of this great movie line.

The Old Couple

2005-09-04T18:44:00.000-07:00

There was this couple that had been married for 20 years. Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the light.

Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights. She looked down and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated leisure device... a vibrator! Soft, wonderful and larger than a real one.

She went completely ballistic. "You impotent bastard," she screamed at him, "how could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!"

The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly: "I'll explain the toy . . . you explain the kids."

Short Blonde Joke

2005-08-30T20:54:00.000-07:00

A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to, you guessed it, a blonde. The blonde kept looking quizzically at him and his bulging pockets.

Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls."

Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him thoughtfully and finally, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, asked, "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"

2005-08-26T18:41:00.000-07:00

Sometimes what you need to hear offends you. Then you sue. Then you cause good hearted men to bleed.

The Geezer

The Wine Opener

2005-08-25T00:28:00.000-07:00

Click here to watch

Time flies when you’re havin' fun, but it goes a whole lot slower when you’re cleanin’ poo

2005-08-13T23:17:00.000-07:00

I noticed there are no women. Could this be the secret hiding place of the patriarchal meetings?

Women Love the Sensitive Types

2005-08-11T20:28:00.000-07:00

New national security advisory

2005-07-11T19:45:00.000-07:00

Don't know how long the link in the title will work, but this official US Gub'mint advisory should be viewed by all men, and women that love them.

Geezer

www.thespinmeister.blogspot.com

Have you ever had one of those, you know, not so constitutional days?

2005-06-30T23:44:00.000-07:00

I found this in one of my favorite blogs.

2005-06-17T20:38:00.000-07:00

I had to chuckle upon seeing this bumper sticker,

"Driver carries no cash,

he's married."

We Want You!

2005-06-17T20:24:00.000-07:00

The International Symbol for Marriage

2005-06-15T18:02:00.000-07:00